When I leave this body that anchors me to this existance, may there be Angels to defend me from the dark creations that came to be because of me. I pray peace to replace the disturbances I caused. I pray Truth to heal the lies I set free. I pray LOVE to complete what I did not fulfill. I pray Mercy to forgive what I could not be. O Light everlasting shine... on all who need your light in their night, this night. O Wholeness, be with those who are broken this night. O Rest never ending, calm thoughts and fears this night. O Love, always draw us close tonight, and every night, until our nights turn into Everlasting Day.

Like each passage through life, death is both an extremely individual thing, yet paradoxically communal also. Pulled in 2 directions at the same time, anxiety rules: concern for the loved one dying, and the self which has to go on. The thought processes for the real sufferers of death, those who are left to deal with matters, become legion. When Death has passed it leaves great holes and uncertainties in the place of the person who has vacated the shell now before us. Death is not an academic subject, but a matter for the heart, mind and emotions. Preparation for it only gives observational aspects as to who, what, when, where and why. The last question being the one that creates the largest hole. Many say that time is a great healer... but it only distances us from the moment of parting. Dealing with berevement is a string of coping mechanisms utilised when grief strikes. Grief has to be endured until the force subsides, and tears are the pressure valve for the crisis of grief. It's ok to cry... It's ok to cry with the dying. It's ok to cry for your self. It's ok to cry for what you had. It's ok to cry... for tears remove what you cannot put into words. And with each day that passes, tears fulfill their role, healing for the soul.

One in All and ALL in ONE.

Spring... Onions we can eat all year, being forced to grow out of season. Onions that when opened brings a tear, cut to the heart, for what reason? A coil of metal, inside a watch, How quickly time flies… tick tock! tick tock! Moments, taken to reflect on the past. Making memories, good and bad, that last, and last, and last. All around the flowers are growing... Budding with promise, and intrinsically KNOWing… The warmth of the Sun is changing their nature Like The Son who does the same with nuture... The coil of possibility inside us... tightening and relaxing depending on what An act of will causes, but patience. . . with pauses. . . Create a Holy Space for God to act, and bring about changes ... Changes that last ... completing the Circle Of life … His intention? To restore His image In His creature, His invention... To bring to fulfilment, His likeness... let in the healing from sickness, the sickness of sin SO... Lord Jesus, come in… Come in… Come IN …To our broken places, Especially our mind And bring us to life with You And ALL of MANKIND

Aspects of prayer

Turn off all stimuli, the noises of the world; And the hiss of mankind praying will be heard. Awareness begins to take place; Hear: Cars on the road. The beating of the wings of a bird… It’s song thrilling ears, to raise the heart, and lift eyes and focus them into the skies; Eyes that see … endless possibility. Feel the firmness of the ground Under feet that walk the path of life each day. Bathe: (in water) a body, and wash it’s sins away. Touch the softness of a newly unfurled leaf, A blade of grass, an acorn seed. Smell the season of summer begin. Taste the fresh herbs to season life’s offering. What is prayer? To be… aware of the moment and what is… And use all those discoveries. If acitivity; then act to the fullest. If stillness; then remain in the hush. If struggle; then employ the fight. If dying; then leave, with calm serenity, Knowing … All is satisfied, All is complete.

The Lenten Spring by Catrina for Bethany House Chickenley

SPRING! A season. and a reason For opening doors, to let the wind blow, where it will; bouncing and bringing The spring chorus, singing … A time to rejoice, and a time to let go. Giving and receiving. Arriving and leaving the meandering track we all have to walk. Someone to laugh with, cry with, tread the path with Be quiet with or revel In A Heart to Heart talk Life brings us seasons, changes to force. Like the stream, to the river, to the sea on its course. Caring and sharing, tears and pain But The Light of God shines through All And sunshine with rain… …Makes a R A I N B O W !... … Gods’ promise of a brighter tomorrow; He completes our journey of suffering and sorrow. His grace and mercy; His LOVE is the thing We experience most greatly in The Lenten Spring. Catrina for Bethany House Chickenley Copyright 2013

Healing is not recovery - it's more that that!

Recovery is not about finding what we had before but thought we had lost, but discovering that what gives me life today. A physical illnes can leave soemone DISabled, it is sowith a mental and emotional illness too, but, what they both do, is bring us to a place of a changed life. What I now am is other-ABLED, able to do that which I could or would not do before - take another way. I have also learned that NOT ALL CHANGE IS BAD or negative. It's just the culture of selfishness that pampers to the self "What I want I can have, and money must be thrown at it until it is acheived!" Being with my friends has taught me to give myself what I need to heal and not take it from others. They have their own journey. We do it side by side, not in each others pockets! Thankyou to all who have been with me on the journey.

Opportunities for change come in many guises. Illness is one of them. Having no control is really living by faith, and that even has to be allowed to have it's own space and experience. Whatever 2013 holds, I will change for the better, and what has been will not hold me prisoner by manipulating my feelings by memory, but faced as a reality of an evolving life. Onwards and Upwards to the hope Christ has called me to.